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KABUL, AFGH – A spokesperson for the Taliban has recently explained why they have prevented the planes with Americans and allies from taking off. As a matter of fact, he shared that those actions were part of their plan to combat climate change, thus debunking the conspiracy pushed by the Republicans, insinuating that they were holding these planes hostage for ransom at the Mazar-i-Sharif airport.
As most of us know, domestic and international flights are very bad for the environment, except when used by politicians, billionaires, and the most sophisticated people among us. Therefore, the Taliban Regime has just recently decided to follow the science and stop any planes from landing and taking off from Afghanistan. Consequently, the stranded will have to find more eco-friendly modes of transportation if they really want to get out of the country, even though many reportedly chose to stay there in the first place. Additionally, those who genuinely want out will not be able to count on the U.S. Military and the U.S. Department of Defense for assistance to get out of Afghanistan because they are still too busy getting as many Afghani refugees as possible to the U.S. In the end, despite the few hassle and changes to the evacuation, it is safe to say that everything is going according to the original plan and that the Taliban will support the rest of the operation, as promised by them in the first place.
Furthermore, the spokesperson of the Taliban took the opportunity to specify the main components of their plan to fight climate change. Here’s the gist of his explanations :
Firstly, the Taliban Regime plans to combat the overpopulation in their most populated cities by relocating the soul of the infidels opposing the Regime and some of the most devoted Christians in the country. Secondly, they will force the women to go back to the kitchen and stay at home. The Regime will be implementing this with the goal in mind of reducing the eco-footprint of most Afghanis. With this policy, there will be no need to build new infrastructures to accommodate the women. To add to this point, they also won’t have to buy additional goods to participate in the workforce and enjoy life outside of their home, thus reducing their ecological footprint significantly and saving the planet. Thirdly, they also plan to reach an agreement with the CCP to send them the militarized vehicles left in Afghanistan by the U.S. Army in order to make them more fuel-efficient, clean, and green. If we only look at the CCP’s data regarding climate change, China appears to be a very environment-friendly country that barely contributes to the World’s CO2 emissions. So, in theory, it’s well worth it for the Taliban to work with them in this regard in exchange for access to their precious minerals.
Finally, besides their ambitious plan, the Taliban Regime has vowed to use most of the cash that the Biden Administration left out there, in addition to the hostage money that they will receive from Biden, to combat climate change. They also plan to utilize only small amounts of it to fund the explosive things they used to do in the past.
In conclusion, despite the complications, the Americans and allies left in Afghanistan seem to be safe, and they should be able to return home shortly if they choose not to stay. Besides that, it would be interesting to know if Clarissa Ward is thinking of going back to Afghanistan because the Taliban seemed to really like her, especially after commenting on their friendliness in August while they were chanting Death to America.
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NEW YORK, N.Y. – Shocking news coming from Trump Tower this morning. After only a year of unity, peacefulness, and normalcy, the Orange Man will be back in office next week.
As a matter of fact, according to some undisclosed sources close to him, Trump has just fully transitioned into Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. himself after starting to identify as him not so long ago.
After his crushing defeat and sort of concession in January 2021, the 45th President of the United States of America reportedly fell into a deep depression. During this dark period of his life, Trump allegedly didn’t feel like himself anymore. (A sad violin music starts playing.) It was at this point that the Orange Man found out that he was in the wrong body. (The narrator begins tearing up.) Allegedly, the only thing that he ever wanted was to become a two-term president, and having that irregularly taken from him took its toll on his poor soul. (The narrator starts squealing as the sad music intensifies.) Yet, despite ...
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After almost an entire year of denial, deflection, and cackling laughter, the Biden-Harris Administration, also known as the Harris-Biden’s handlers Administration, finally decided to try to put an end to the unpleasant but convenient seasonal surge at the border.
The virtuous and well-thought-out plan will consist of allowing the U.S. southern border to be utilized as a giant nuclear testing site and for F-15 airstrike drills.
Since President Biden, who was running for Senate last fall, took office in January, he has repeatedly mentioned that White supremacy is the most lethal threat to the democracy of the United States of America. Therefore, this masterful plan will not only allow the U.S. Armed Forces to use almost 2000 miles of borderland to get ready to annihilate the rising domestic white supremacy threat but also fix the issue at the border.
However, according to some independent conspiracy theorists and some Trump apologists in the media, there’s reportedly ...
